Saviour I come, quiet my soul
Remember, redemption's hill
Where your blood was spilled,
For my ransom...

Your grace is sufficient. Every expectation that the World may put on me, it does not replace any part of your grace and love that You have blessed me with. What you've given and provided is more than enough.

Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost.

My plans, my life, my expecations is now Yours. That I am ready now, for You to reign in my life.

Lead me to the heart
Where your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself I belong to you
And lead me, lead me, lead me to the cross.

To Your Heart
To Your Heart
Lead me to Your Heart
To Your Heart.

Praise You Lord, for Your healing, Your blessing, Your love, Your grace, Your mercy, Your wisdom, Your guidance. Everything I have is Yours.

--

Whao, I'm spirit-shocked at the moment. All the crazy awesome bible bashing at camp just left me speechless. I was definitely hoping that camp will be beneficial, but I never expected that 'camp' actually started the moment I took that step of faith to go for camp in the midst of the crushing workload. *gasps* When the weekend of camp actually did arrive, His mighty power was just unleashed in my life.
The simplest revelations that I have never realized, the whispers of God I never listened, His greatest blessing and gifts I never had the faith to accept, were all revealed to me so clearly over the weekend. That commonly prayed prayer- " God, let no one step out of Your presence the same way they came", is so very true. By His love, my situations and circumstances has been shifted so drastically. And I know this is just the start...

So very thankful that I got to get away from all the chaos in reality and just be in peace and tranquility with Him. Very thankful for the discipline, and every opportunity I got to encounter Him.
Perfect timing, from a Perfect King, planned out of Perfect Love.
A whole new season is coming... (:

everytime I fall, You picked me up.
And I will get back up, stronger. Because of You.

--

Ever felt useless, disappointed at yourself? Thinking that no one else on earth can disappoint you more than yourself.

Exactly.

when you fall that hard, do you choose to stay there, and even dig a hole in the ground and bury yourself even deeper. Or are you going to stand back up and keep walking The Walk?

So this feeling has been lingering in me for months and months. And a month ago it overwhelmed me. More and beyond what I ever thought I could control. And this brought my emotions inside out. I have never faced myself in such a "raw", "honest" way- No more excuses, no more comforting words to cloud that image of who I truly am... Till now, I could only say that it was a bittersweet image.
It has come to a period of my life that I have to stop lying to myself about how awesome life can be by my own strength and plan. It's time that God showed me who I am without Him. Absolutely weak and vulnerable, easily crushed by anything from this harsh cruel world. Awesome teaching from God huh?

Not really.

I am truamatised. Absolutely truamatised. To the extent of not knowing what to pray for. I'm not sure if that's what God intended. Maybe it's just me processing this a little too slowly. Not understanding why.
So everytime I step out of that exam hall, everytime I complete a test, even everytime I finish a tutorial class, I had to go through this torturous process of feeling crushed and disappointed because what I just did was the exact replica of what happened before.
As much as I would like to listen to awesome sermons that tells us "not to live in the past", it doesn't seem as easy. How can I forget what happened before

And He spoke. snapped me out of that state instantly.

"Dont ever label yourself. Because I did not label you as one of them. I named you. I created you"

Mind-blowingly simple truth... yet so easy to slip out of my mind.

How many times have I said to myself, I belong to the bottom of the bottom half of the cohort. So, before I even step into that exam hall or that room, I prepared myself for that same old crushing feeling when I come out.

But by what authority can I label/catergorize/allow myself to see myself that way; to feel that way?
Even God didnt put me in a group. He created me as a single, individual unique Child of God to shine for Him in this World.
Each and everytime I fall, He picked me up. He didn't wait for my group of friends to fall before He picked us up altogether (just to save the trouble...). Imagine it would be so much easier for Him to just scoop us all up together. :D But the God I know, is that Personal God that will be there for you and only you.

It doesn't take a dozen 45 mins sermons that are rephrased a dozen different ways to have it drum-ed that into your mind, drilled into your heart, sunk into your soul.

All it takes is a desperate heart; ever-thirsting for God.

its been a while...
but I'm back. :D
So this is where I start a new chapter of revealing the works of the Lord in my Life.
Every step of the way. (well, at least most of it)

Stay tuned!

Its the start of day three now... Its gonna be a brand new day, a brand new start, a new level of understanding this whole period of fasting. My mind is constantly thinking of how I can get deeper understanding with God.
Yesterday.
DAY TWO
So I find myself alone in the morning in an almost empty lecture theatre, and I decided to open the bible. And I knew God was there. I could feel it. Then the hunger for answers, for visions, started to boil up. But there was jsut silence from Him. I didnt get anything out of the bible. Just nothing. Nothing but His Holy presence. And eventually He spoke to me through the day. Answers are not carefully seeked, its there right before us. But its a choice of obedience before He opens our eyes and heart to discover the things unseen.
I am gonna start appreciating that silence now. Just to bask in His Holy Presence(:

So time of sharing at night was pretty peaceful. Nothing crazy happened. Just a time of truthful sharing. And also reflecting on our day. And Rubhi could feel the change in herself. While I could feel the difference in others; friends that we've been praying for in the house. Just a little more love and understanding. I know there is a long way to go. But we are just gonna continue praying faithfully that the visions we've had would happen.
Oh well, there IS something Rubhi and I felt in common. Hunger. We really wanted to eat the bible. One page a day. hehe.
Ohyes, Natsuki's ankle is getting soooooo much better. At least she will still be able to perform. Wow, just 3 days ago, she was at the verge of being kicked out of her performance, and right now she is going back into it. Amazing. Amazing.
God, what can I say?

Anyway, doors are opening. Its time to take away the fear of handling it amd bring out courage and obedience.
--
Temptations, GO AWAY!! I am looking for Breakthrough that is gonna be SO MUCH bigger and mighter than you!

21 days of Fasting. Leading to a breakthrough.
For some people, this is more than 21 days, it is the first 21 days of eternal life.

So last night was Day one of fasting meeting between Rubhi and I. It just went out of control. Just totally out of my expectation. I dont even know where to start. I just know that visions that I had about the house; it is coming true. Coming so fast that I would never expect. Somehow, I dont know how to handle it. I suppose this is God's challenge isn't it? He knows what I am made of. All I can do is to trust in Him. Have Faith in Him and obey Him like I have never done before. Because it is going to change lives. Not mine, but theirs. I'm just gonna be there every step of the way. And I have Rubhi fighting alongside with me. (: I'm just have to continue to pray that He will provide all that we need to get through this period of His overwhelming blessings. I know that He will give us friends, people, circumstances, opportunities, strength, wisdom and EVERYTHING, for us to build His Kingdom. So, if anyone of you are reading this, please keep Rubhi and I in your prayers!! And if you need a prayer yourself, just shout it out!! Its a battle that all children of God must stand together; and we are bound to win(: whao.

Rubhi, Thank you for everything that happened last night. THANK YOU THANK YOU! PRAISE THE LORD. And just stand firm, babe. You are so much more than what people see and think. Find that identity in Christ. It will come...

So yesterday was DAY ONE, and the Holy Spirit was working in both of us till 3am. What is gonna come in DAY TWO? DAY THREE and on and on?!!

I knew today will be a great great day. And the minute I went online, Jo left me a message to tell me that her granddad accepted Christ. I mean, WOW. When all things seem impossible, God worked His magic. Once again, He is reminding me about Divine Appointment. One day, just one special moment, my loved ones will be saved. All I have to do is just to keep praying in Faith, and the Holy Spirit is going to work!!
Anyway, Jo, you saw what our God can do. All it takes is for you to believe and trust in Him. That simple. It's not me who kept praying for you that worked, it is your prayer! Your words, your cry out to the Lord that moved Him. And I just hope that you will do that in every aspect of your life. Just entrust Him everything. He is a life-changing, miracle-working God.

wow... As I sit here, typing... pausing... still in awe of His work. In awe of just how stunning He is.
--
Last night marked the end of Beijing 2008. And I have to say, I am so very proud of Beijing of what it has achieved. 8 years of hard work, with so many obstacles that could easily destroyed China's dream of a successful olympics; yet they overcame it all and created one of the best event the world has ever witnessed. Just overwhelming to see from the very start of the Olympics with the whole opening ceremony, till the final moment of celebration in the closing ceremony. Wow!!
Just how much it has gone through. How much change has been done to that city and people within such a short time is insane. And yet, it still doesnt lose its culture, history and identity.
God is watching over that country. He has much more amazing work to be done there. It's gonna be beyond any of my wildest imagination...
--
Why is everyone just staring at me? Why?
--
God, let your will be done... Just create opportunities.
--
Okay, just random thoughts. They are all totally unrelated to each other.
Go figure...

"... and so I will Serve, with Love and in Truth."
This was what went through my mind over and over again today. Its a message from God. Just to remind me of who I am, and what my purpose is.
Its like the end of a sentence. An end to a period. An end to a section of my life. But this is how it will end. No matter what I've done. No matter what I am doing. No matter what I will be doing... I will Serve under God's calling. Wherever I may be, I will open my heart for God to guide me, so that I can be a guide to someone else who still lives in Darkness; To love them and bring them to the Truth and the Light.
That's my Life. That's my identity. That's what God wants me to be. That's a calling.
Obedience comes next.
--

As I look back to the quotes I noted down; that I pick up from everywhere. Quotes that held so much meaning. They all seem to have one thing in common. Truth.
And I asked God why. Why Truth? Why not wisdom? Why not endurance? Why not patience? Isnt that what I need, Isnt that the things that are lacking in me?
Then again, it struck me.
Have I been living a life true to myself? True to God?
I probably have, but probably not to the extent of what God wants. He wants so much more from me. Because He knows how much more I can go. And once again, He keeps bringing "Truth" into my life because He knows that it is Truth that will shape me. And indeed, based on "Truth", it has shaped my Life to what it is today. And I have to hold on to that. Hold on to it so dearly because that is my identity in God.
Being true to God. Being true to myself. Being true to people.
There will be distractions. There will be times that I will sway away for the Truth, and just hide in the darkness for a while. But God is constantly driving me out. No doubt it gets draining and exhaustng to always stand in the Light. Its so easy and 'joyful' to just hang around in the Darkness, ride along with the crowd, but God didnt make me that way. I cant deny that I havent fully live up to God's expectations yet. Not even close. But I thank Him so much, so much for putting some amazing people in my life. To constantly remind me, constantly encourage me and most importantly Inspire me, to stand back up and do God's will and walk the path of Light.

Have I been true to myself? True to God's will?

Because of that, I start to question whether what I am doing now is God's will? Or am I just doing it just for the fun of it. Just because its fun to 'serve' and help people. Make them smile. Of course, serving God is awesome, its an honour. But is it where my focus should be? I am extremely clear that kid's alive is for me. But what about all the others that people have been asking me to go? Its fun, yes. But is it where I should be spending my time?
That's why I am stepping one step back. Just putting certain things on hold for a moment. Just to put God's will into perspective. The past few weeks have been a blur. Suddenly, I am so concentrating in the "fun" bit of serving, I blocked out God's voice.
Right now, I am gonna step back and step out of the buzz, and just listen again to what God wants me to do. Not just in terms of serving. But every aspect of my life. The whole way through studies and friendship.
Everything...

Let your will be done...
As we Love, Be lifted High
In my Life, Be lifted High

Jesus, Take the wheel.Save me from this Road I'm on.

J.